Shortfilm: Writing with Celine

[Manta]

Hi all, here is the last shortfilm I've been working on during the last nine months. It was a lot of fun and I hope you like it.

 

http://www.josemruiz.com/Movies/Writing%20with%20Celine.mov

 

(16.5Mb)

[KenH]

That's certainly unique. A fine achievement.

[Manta]

I'm glad you liked it. I had some problems uploading the movie to am:films and any help would be really appreciated.

[dborruso]

Cool short movie. Good job.

[NancyGormezano]

Liked your camera angles, nice framing, also some good choices in music, with interesting concept for story -very ambitious effort - Good Job & thanks for showing!

[Manta]

Thanks for your comments. All this project was like a big puzzle.

[martin]

Wow! Jose. The movement was so different from what we're used to seeing: it's uniqueness was fascinating. The story was clear. The sound fit. The modeling and design were very good. You should be very proud of this piece. I look forward to your next effort, (BTW, are you going to volunteer to animate on "The Tin Woodman of Oz"?).

[kuep]

im not able to view or download the clip.

 

[nerrazzi]

Nice camera angles and I like the transitions you've got going on. I thought the character's overall body movements were a bit excessive though, I guess one could argue that it flows with the music... A little confused with the actual story, she was writing something called 'spy world' but looks like she's involved in burglary. The lighting was fabulous and I hate lighting, so great job! Great cinematography and great direction! I like the attention to detail as well with the curtain movement and lights coming on across the street when the neighbors hear the dog.

 

Great Work!!!

[nyahkitty]

Similar thoughts as Nerrazzi.

 

Overall, you are on the right track.

I'm looking forward to seeing more from you in the future.

Thanks for showing us your movie.

[KenH]

A little confused with the actual story, she was writing something called 'spy world' but looks like she's involved in burglary.

 

What I got was that she became so involved in the story she was writing that it was like she was in it. Maybe?

[amarillospider]

Bravo, muy bien hecha. Me gusta mucho como usas la luz para cambia de realidad a imaginacion. Tambien me encanta tu modeling. Muy bien

 

 

It was clear to me, she got so involved in the story she was writing she felt like she was inside of it, and when she "woke up" she realised she had put her laptop in the microwave (not the jewel box back in the safe) and thrown her cd out the window.

 

-Alonso

[ZachBG]

Nice work!

[Zaryin]

I thought it was great! I especially like the transitions and camera angles.

[Manta]

Thank you so much for those useful comments. Well, the story is about Celine, a writer who is finishing her book, titled 'spy world'. In the search for inspiration she starts imagining herself as the character from the book. When she comes back to the reality she realizes the big disaster she made.

My purpose was to tell an original and entertaining story only with one character.

[luckbat]

Sure, but like KenH said, why would a spy be stealing jewelry?

[Paul Forwood]

Bravo, Manta!

I think that is an AMAZING effort on every level. My only criticism is that the expressions, eyes and mouth, seem a little excessive to me. Oh, and I agree that changing the title of the story she is writing to 'The Cat Burglar', or something similar, might add to the clarity of the story. Maybe make that jewellery really flash when she handles it. I had to watch it twice to understand what she had done but there's nothing unusual about that. It's just me.

Excellent! Thanks for posting.

[Manta]

Yeah, I know facial expressions are a little bit exagerated but that was the style of animation I really wanted for the movie. In regards to the spy-steal question.. the answer is very simple. While I was writing the script I remembered a scene from a film I watched some years ago, where a spy guy was stealing a jewel. You are right.. that doesn't make a lot of sense but, due to the amount of work, I didn't stop thinking about that.

[robcat2075]

Hey I enjoyed watching that. I got a little lost in the middle, but it was clear again in the end.

[Manta]

Martin, thanks for the invitation. Because of my job and another project I'm working on, I practically have no time for animating on "The Tin Woodman of Oz". Anyway, if anything changes, I'll let you know quickly.

[PF_Mark]

I'm glad you liked it. I had some problems uploading the movie to am:films and any help would be really appreciated.

 

Please let me know how the upload works out. I am currently finalizing my first 30 sec. animation after completing The Art of Animation:Master with Rodney. I put AM aside for about 9 months to do some renovations and now I am getting back into it. My work is no where near as nice as yours and I am using supplied characters and sets. I am proud of what I have created for my experience level but want to improve. I plan to continue my studies with the boot camp after this aniamtion is complete. I wonder if hash would post my animation it can be used to demonstrate what people can do after a very short time learning AM and with those video tut. how fast I was able to get back what I did 9 months ago. I guess I have nothing to lose by uploading it

[amarillospider]

I'd love to see a wire frame of your main character. How did you rig the face, with bones or just pose sliders?

 

-Alonso

[Bruce Del Porte]

Wonderful movie Manta! Walter Mitty type stories are tough to pull off. Bravo.

[Manta]

I'd love to see a wire frame of your main character. How did you rig the face, with bones or just pose sliders?

 

-Alonso

 

Hi Alonso. The face is controlled using a total of 40 pose sliders. I don't feel very comfortable using bones for that.

 

[amarillospider]

Cool! Thanks!

 

-Alonso

[JohnArtbox]

Great job. Congratulations on finishing your short.

[Manta]

Well.. the short is obtaining a good acceptance. Right now it's on the frontpage at http://www.3dyanimacion.com

[NancyGormezano]

That's great to hear of your success - Good for you! Congrats, again...

[Manta]

That's also great for Animation Master. I'm receiving some e-mails from people asking about the soft I use.

[PF_Mark]

I'm glad you liked it. I had some problems uploading the movie to am:films and any help would be really appreciated.

 

I am also having problems I can not get past the submit button I get a

 

image/pjpeg

failed

 

Message I see you got it uploaded how did you get it to work?

[Manta]

Hi Mark, I had the same problem too.

Some days ago I sent the movie, the thumbnail and all the information required to Ken Baer.

[PF_Mark]

I have done the same thing some time after Monday my animation might be added to AM films.

[Slipin Lizard]

As an aspiring animator I thought the short was very well done. I really liked the way you established mood and story immediately with the opening visual of the poster, and then transitioning to the computer screen. Keeping it real though, there were a couple of things that bothered me. Her facial expressions just seemed weird at times, I wasn't getting a clear message of the emotions and it muddled the over all story a bit. Not all the time, just a few times like when she's looking into the mirror, or when the room starts to change back to normal.

I know some people have complemented the camera work, but for me as a cinematographer, I felt that was the weakest part. There seems to be some unmotivated movement at times, and also some strange framing choices. Near the end where she starts to collapse on the floor, I wondered why the camera framing follows her down cutting off her head the whole way. Cutting off your lead's head is a pretty big no-no. I wanted to see her face as she realized what she had done. Instead the camera goes down to her hand. I'm assuming that you're trying to remind the audience that she threw away the disk, but for me the shot just didn't work.

 

I think if you reworked the camera framing and movement, particularly the last half (the dynamic framing and movement at the begining was cool) you'd have a stronger piece.

 

I think the biggest success with your short is the story itself. A lot of people don't realize how hard it is to tell a story that quickly, and yet you established story, character and plot within a matter of seconds. You might want to check out a the short "Bunny" by Blue Sky Studios for ideas of camera movement and framing.

 

Great first effort!

[Slipin Lizard]

Sorry to post again, but I forgot to mention, the quote on the door is great, and really seems to be the moral of your story. I had to pause the animation to read it though. Maybe you could hold that shot a little longer, while slowly dollying in towards the door before fading to black. Or maybe I'm just a slow reader, I don't know if anyone else had a problem reading it.

[Manta]

Well.. at the end, it's all about tastes. There are a lot of ways to tell a story like that and I really like the camera angles I chose. When I decided to left her face out of plane, I wanted the audience to imagine it and not to see it.

[Slipin Lizard]

Hey, I tried to be gentle. I can see that you put a lot of work into your project. But you know, its not "all about taste". We used to have new directors in film school come up with that statement as an answer for every thing they did, basically making the point that they are not open to criticism.

I had my wife watch the short, and she just totally didn't get the story at all. Neither did I the first time through, and I think a couple of other people who posted replies expressed similar sentiments. I've been a camera operator for 7 years, and I can say without hesitation that cutting off the talent's head is just a mistake. As a director, you're making two choices constantly for your audience: what to show and what not to show. By cutting her head off, well, ok, so we don't see it and we "imagine" her expression (though I don't understand why) but we are looking at her body and her hand, so you're sending the message "don't look at her face, its her body I want you to see." If you didn't want to have people see her face then why not choose an overhead shot as she crumples to the floor? There are a lot of other options better than "well, lets just cut her head off".

But there's nothing particularly important about what her body is doing... so the shot just isn't working. Go on to some of the other forums out there that talk about cinematography and ask them about it.

You can take criticism and learn from it, or you can just dismiss it and consider you piece "perfect". But in a film fest, I bet a lot of people would be left saying "huh?" at the end. Like I said in my first post, I thought you came up with a great story, but the wonky camera stuff hurts it. Keep in mind I'm not talking about the whole thing, just the shots I already mentioned. I had a feeling that you weren't going to take my post well. Its tough to put a lot of hard work in and then force yourself to admit you can do better. When I finish a video project I grab a pen and paper, watch the video, and make notes about what does and doesn't work. Its hard to do sometimes, but it really helps for the next time out. I think you could do the same. I also think that while your short is a really great first effort, there are also some really good shorts done with AM out there that show a greater refinement. Have you checked out that free-range chicken commercial? It was awesome!

 

Sorry if my critique bothers you, I guess I'm cutting against the hype grain.

[Manta]

Thanks for your critique, Slipin Lizard. In my last post I didn't say nothing against your opinion.