This is your movie, Katt, and for heaven's sake, I've got my own movie directing to do, but as directors-in-arms, I've got to make a few suggestions:
1) Separate the lines of dialog - they run into each other.
2) Do some establishing shots, (your other clips usually showed where the action was taking place but not this one.)
3) These are all medium shots - try some closeups and wide shots.
4) When the dialog changes pitch, it is misleading if the same person is talking - perhaps you shouldn't do that except when the effect is truly needed.
I watch every one of these clips, and I'm enjoying your progress.