Almost finished book trailer for my book

[rusty]

Hi!

 

I'm still working with the music but it won't change much. I'm still working on the brief voice but this won't change much. There are a few quirks to correct but this is the form for the finished product.

 

I want you to compare it with anything Hollywood and professional studios put out and, if possible, tell me where I fall short. Please, tear it to pieces!

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0yXteHySTok...eature=youtu.be

 

Enjoy!

Rusty

[itsjustme]

I want you to compare it with anything Hollywood and professional studios put out and, if possible, tell me where I fall short. Please, tear it to pieces!

 

Where should I e-mail the critique, Rusty?

[Walter Baker]

WOW That was really cool, good job

[largento]

I think that looks really cool, Rusty!

 

For what it's worth, my first impression is that I'm more interested in the visuals than the story.Probably because the story pitch is a familiar one. Aliens come, give us their technology, we think they're good and then they turn out to be bad. Reading your summary clarifies that it's different aliens coming to destroy them, but the trailer leaves the impression that it's "V" on another planet. I would play up the hook, to better sell the story.

 

Clearly you've invested a huge amount of time in this trailer, I'm a little surprised by the plain-ness of the book cover. Is there not a way to use some of these visuals to create more compelling cover art? I grant you on a black and white kindle, it won't look as cool, but you'll be advertising it on websites that can show full color art. There are also quite a few people who read Kindle books on color devices.

 

I think, if I were browsing for books and I had the option to watch a book trailer, it would give me more incentive to consider the book, but like I said, while you have my attention, do the best job you can to pitch me on the story. In a sense, it's like the cover painting. A compelling cover painting gets me to pick up a book off of the shelf, but I immediately flip to the back and if that copy doesn't sell me on the story, it goes back on the shelf, no matter how cool the painting on the front was.

[rusty]

I want you to compare it with anything Hollywood and professional studios put out and, if possible, tell me where I fall short. Please, tear it to pieces!

 

Where should I e-mail the critique, Rusty?

 

rrw4rusty@hotmail.com

 

Thanks!

[rusty]

WOW That was really cool, good job

 

Thanks for the kind words!

[rusty]

I think that looks really cool, Rusty!

 

For what it's worth, my first impression is that I'm more interested in the visuals than the story.Probably because the story pitch is a familiar one. Aliens come, give us their technology, we think they're good and then they turn out to be bad. Reading your summary clarifies that it's different aliens coming to destroy them, but the trailer leaves the impression that it's "V" on another planet. I would play up the hook, to better sell the story.

 

Clearly you've invested a huge amount of time in this trailer, I'm a little surprised by the plain-ness of the book cover. Is there not a way to use some of these visuals to create more compelling cover art? I grant you on a black and white kindle, it won't look as cool, but you'll be advertising it on websites that can show full color art. There are also quite a few people who read Kindle books on color devices.

 

I think, if I were browsing for books and I had the option to watch a book trailer, it would give me more incentive to consider the book, but like I said, while you have my attention, do the best job you can to pitch me on the story. In a sense, it's like the cover painting. A compelling cover painting gets me to pick up a book off of the shelf, but I immediately flip to the back and if that copy doesn't sell me on the story, it goes back on the shelf, no matter how cool the painting on the front was.

 

Thank you for your thoughts and the kind words! I guess you're right on the story but in the first part of my story it is what it is. Re the cover, LOL, what I really want is a completely white cover, the art/text only raised out of the white. I know that's not a good marketing strategy. I have some pretty cool spaceships I tried on the cover but fell back to simple. But, I'm always debating and thinking about that one. Call it style over common sense and proven marketing techniques.

 

Thanks,

Rusty

[kwhitaker]

well that got my attention at " Everything changed when i died."

what a great line . what possibilitiess. i like his voice. I'm a big kindlel reader,paranormall, fantasy, the whole ball of wax.

i like what i saw!

[Fuchur]

You may want to give it some more hope somewhere... all you are saying is, that everybody will die and there is nothing to do against that... somehow I would need some kind of hero or something to be more involved with the story... I am sure there is something like that in the book, but the trailer needs something to give me the feeling that it is worth fighting, etc.

 

Every story has something like that... not the best example but it is one of the most successful storylines I could think of right now: Asterix and Obelix:

 

"The year is 50 BC and the Roman Empire is at its strongest. Gaius Julius Caesar has conquered most of Europe. All of Gaul is under the Roman rule.

All? All except a tiny village in the Armorica province, populated by some irksome, indefatigable and irreverent Gauls..."

-> and now it starts...

 

There are plenty of other examples, but this is the most obvisious one.

 

See you

*Fuchur*

[itsjustme]

I want you to compare it with anything Hollywood and professional studios put out and, if possible, tell me where I fall short. Please, tear it to pieces!

 

Where should I e-mail the critique, Rusty?

 

rrw4rusty@hotmail.com

 

Thanks!

 

I'll send it your way late tonight.

[robcat2075]

Wow, you've been busy!

 

I'll have some notes after I study it a bit more.

[itsjustme]

Critique is in the mail, Rusty. I only mention it here so that it doesn't get lost in a spam filter or something.

 

Feel free to ignore anything I say. Although I hope some of it is helpful.

[Gerry]

Great work and production values, Rusty, and nice soundtrack as well, something I'm currently struggling with on Nightcallers.

 

Two comments off the top of my head after one viewing: The book cover doesn't bear any relation to what we've already seen, and it's not nearly as interesting. There's no reason not to do something about that. Second, all the quick shots of the robot characters seem very tentative and not very dynamic. Are they threatening? Are they bad robots or good robots? In fact, are they robots at all? Can't tell from this. But everything else really shines. It would be fabulous if everything in it were the same level of finish, currently it's not.

[rusty]

Thank you, thank you, thank you!

 

I'm sure all of you know how can be too close to your work and not see the obvious. Your comments are helping a lot!

 

Rusty

[rusty]

Critique is in the mail, Rusty. I only mention it here so that it doesn't get lost in a spam filter or something.

 

Feel free to ignore anything I say. Although I hope some of it is helpful.

 

Weird. Haven't received it yet. I just sent myself an email, not there yet either. You can try rusty@znet.com --proceed the comment with about 20 underscores so I can pick it out quickly from the hundreds of SPAM I get.

 

Thanks,

Rusty

[itsjustme]

Critique is in the mail, Rusty. I only mention it here so that it doesn't get lost in a spam filter or something.

 

Feel free to ignore anything I say. Although I hope some of it is helpful.

 

Weird. Haven't received it yet. I just sent myself an email, not there yet either. You can try rusty@znet.com --proceed the comment with about 20 underscores so I can pick it out quickly from the hundreds of SPAM I get.

 

Thanks,

Rusty

 

Resent it to the second e-mail address with twenty underscores preceding the comment.

[petokosun]

this is great, its also a lot of work. cool.

[itsjustme]

Critique is in the mail, Rusty. I only mention it here so that it doesn't get lost in a spam filter or something.

 

Feel free to ignore anything I say. Although I hope some of it is helpful.

 

Weird. Haven't received it yet. I just sent myself an email, not there yet either. You can try rusty@znet.com --proceed the comment with about 20 underscores so I can pick it out quickly from the hundreds of SPAM I get.

 

Thanks,

Rusty

 

Resent it to the second e-mail address with twenty underscores preceding the comment.

 

Since I haven't heard back, I'll assume this one is buried somewhere in your e-mail as well, Rusty. I just resent again to both e-mail addresses. If it doesn't make it after three tries, then there is something wrong with your e-mail accounts.

 

My comments are just my opinion, so they aren't necessarily valid and it's no great loss if you don't receive them. I'm sure you are getting enough input from other sources, making my assessment redundant.

[rusty]

Critique is in the mail, Rusty. I only mention it here so that it doesn't get lost in a spam filter or something.

 

Feel free to ignore anything I say. Although I hope some of it is helpful.

 

Weird. Haven't received it yet. I just sent myself an email, not there yet either. You can try rusty@znet.com --proceed the comment with about 20 underscores so I can pick it out quickly from the hundreds of SPAM I get.

 

Thanks,

Rusty

 

Resent it to the second e-mail address with twenty underscores preceding the comment.

 

Since I haven't heard back, I'll assume this one is buried somewhere in your e-mail as well, Rusty. I just resent again to both e-mail addresses. If it doesn't make it after three tries, then there is something wrong with your e-mail accounts.

 

My comments are just my opinion, so they aren't necessarily valid and it's no great loss if you don't receive them. I'm sure you are getting enough input from other sources, making my assessment redundant.

 

david,

 

1st very hard to type/tumbled down a slope doing yard wk/mangled arm/dislocated fingers lol. read it yesterday/ but in er till late/doped up today... ok... thanks jerk ***just kidding*** you put lots of time in & i applicate it/most valuable review award for sure. really thanks!!

 

hurts to type lol

 

talk later

r

[itsjustme]

david,

 

1st very hard to type/tumbled down a slope doing yard wk/mangled arm/dislocated fingers lol. read it yesterday/ but in er till late/doped up today... ok... thanks jerk ***just kidding*** you put lots of time in & i applicate it/most valuable review award for sure. really thanks!!

 

hurts to type lol

 

talk later

r

 

Sorry to hear about your spill, Rusty...ouch. Dislocated anything is not fun. I'll throw some positive energy your way...can't hurt.

[TheSpleen]

Well done!

[rusty]

Hi all!!

 

From all the comments, all of which I agree with but, considering I have almost no time left, as a way to put forth my best foot on this, I'm considering the following:

 

1. Nuke the robot scenes.

2. Instead of using text blurbs to describe 'certain elements' of (just) 'book one' that I'm currently using, use blurbs to describe:

a) special and/or unique aspects of the complete story (all 4 books)

my own conclusions (salesperson huff and puff)

c) the story that all 4 books tell.

 

The resulting text blurbs and there order in the trailer would be as follows (note: '//' indicate scene breaks):

1. A NEW BREED OF SCIENCE FICTION... // FOR THE NEW CENTURY

2. QUANTITATIVELY TAKING... // AN EXPONENTIAL STEP… // BEYOND ANYTHING BEFORE IT.

3. YOU WILL GO… // WHERE YOU HAVE NEVER GONE BEFORE.

4. YOU WILL SEE… // THINGS YOU HAVE NEVER SEEN BEFORE.

5. WHERE IT IS THEORETICALLY POSSIBLE… // TO KNOW AND UNDERSTAND… // EVERYTHING.

6. WHERE SCIENTISTS… // HAVE JOINED THE ALCHEMISTS BEFORE THEM… // REPLACED BY SOMETHING ABSOLUTELY AMAZING.

7. WHAT'S AT STAKE… // IS MORE SIGNIFICANT… // THEN ANYTHING BEFORE.

8. SPANS MORE TIME… // THEN ANYTHING BEFORE.

9. TRAVELS FURTHER… // THEN ANYTHING BEFORE.

10. THE TOTAL KILLED IS GREATER… // THEN ANYTHING BEFORE.

11. A SPECIES MORE ADVANCED... // THEN ANYTHING BEFORE.

12. THE LONGEST CHASE… // IN HISTORY.

13. THE LARGEST BATTLE… // IN HISTORY.

14. ONE OF THE GREATEST SPACE EPICS // EVER WRITTEN!

15. TWELVE BILLION YEARS AGO… // SOMETHING DARK… // ENTERED THE VISIBLE UNIVERSE.

16. THEY HAVE BEEN COMING… // AT JUST BELOW THE SPEED OF LIGHT… // PERFORMING INCONCEIVABLE ACTS.

17. AT LAST… // THEY ARE HERE.

18. AND AT LAST… // WE WILL FIND THE ANSWER TO,,, // WHY ARE WE HERE?

 

I can only use a small numeliminatese so I'm forced to elleminate most. Comments...?

 

Thanks!

Rusty

[largento]

Definitely entices me to want to find out more about the book.

 

Although, in the first "bread" should be "breed." Unless that's some hip phrase I'm not up on. :-)

[rusty]

Definitely entices me to want to find out more about the book.

 

Although, in the first "bread" should be "breed." Unless that's some hip phrase I'm not up on. :-)

 

Whoops. Thanks.

 

r

[rusty]

Hi,

 

In the book explosive charges that have been planted within the asteroid explode (due to an accident) almost killing our hero. In the trailer I show Adamarus (our hero) in a mining craft inspecting the asteroid then zoom out to show the explosion. It been pointed out by several people that I'm not conveying that (which is really OK for the most part) and it looks like the asteroid (one of many orbiting the planet) hits the planet (which is really far below) and explodes (which is not OK, LOL).

 

Suggestions, comments? Keep in mind I only have time for minor changes.

 

Thanks,

Rusty

[Dpendleton77]

I liked the trailer for the book, I do agree about the cover unless that is the star cluster they come from.

[largento]

Hi,

 

In the book explosive charges that have been planted within the asteroid explode (due to an accident) almost killing our hero. In the trailer I show Adamarus (our hero) in a mining craft inspecting the asteroid then zoom out to show the explosion. It been pointed out by several people that I'm not conveying that (which is really OK for the most part) and it looks like the asteroid (one of many orbiting the planet) hits the planet (which is really far below) and explodes (which is not OK, LOL).

 

Suggestions, comments? Keep in mind I only have time for minor changes.

 

Thanks,

Rusty

 

 

Rusty, I think because this is such a short piece, you see the asteroid moving for too long. Proportionately, it's like the "getting run over by a steamroller" gag in Austin Powers. Enough frames go by to make you forget the preceding image and pulls it out of context. If the impact could somehow be brought closer to our last view of the character, that might do it. Another option might be to intercut between the two shots to keep the context alive.

[rusty]

Hi,

 

As per suggestions... I added a little color to the book cover.

 

 

I'm rendering the completely redone book trailer now... no audio yet... probably post without to see what everyone thinks.

 

Thanks again for all the help!!!!!!

 

Rusty