"Escalated"

[danf]

 

There's 2.5 months of work, INCLUDING learning A:M!

 

I set out working on this before I knew a lot of the basics, and got people relying on me to finish it (like a sound effects crew who were using it as their final project for school), so I had to drive ahead rather than learn some parts. While I'd nailed the TAO:AM, I knew little of character animation, or the many advanced features of this diamond-in-the-rough of a software package. Thanks to this forum, I was able to gather as much knowledge as I needed along the way. I've learned there are very deep levels that one can learn to animate characters on, and I had to rush over them to finish this. In other words, I have a lot of bouncing balls to animate now.

 

I never would've learned a single thing without all the wonderful help of this forum, but more importantly, I'd like to thank you for all the help I know you'll give me in the future as I improve. Making this movie has been a huge learning experience, and a real blast.

 

So that aside, I'd love your feedback, I don't mind hearing you point out technical shortcomings, that's what this forum is for, learning. I'll be interested to see if you notice anything I haven't banged my head against the wall about already .

 

If you'd like, I could try to compile full credits based on who answered my questions, but the list would be long. Feel free to gloat in this thread if you'd like to. I think the helpers know who they are, and have been happy just to help. This is an amazing place, this is amazing software, I feel so lucky to live in a time where the internet can allow us to educate each other regardless of space or simultaneity.

 

I teach a digital video class to kids, and some of my students have been getting into hand-drawn animation. When I show them this, if they get excited, I'll be sure to recommend Animation: Master, for its ease of use, versatility, and of course, community.

 

I could gush all night but seriously I'm tired now, so good night, thank you all so much for this thrilling ride, I can't wait to continue it soon.

 

-Daniel Finlay

[danf]

Oh, bonus points to anyone who can guess what the last shot I animated was. My skills certainly improved over the course of the project, so I am very aware of at least how much better the last shot I animated was.

[Dagooos]

There's 2.5 months of work, INCLUDING learning A:M!

 

Wow, if thats only after 2.5 months I can't wait to see your stuff in a couple years!

 

Nice work.

 

As for the last shot I'll guess the guy getting into the truck.

 

David

[Paul Forwood]

Wow! That's pretty amazing! Sure it could stand some pollishing but you have planned your shots well and told the story clearly. I love the Warner Bros-like music!

I think that your video experience is showing and I would expect to see some very interesting work from you once you become more accustomed to A:M.

 

I'm going to guess that your final shot was... pulling away from the stop sign and pulling into the gas station. There is some good anticipation there and it looks as if you have even used squash and stretch.

[largento]

Great job, Dan! Funny, too!

[heyvern]

Fantastic job! Great animation, great timing, there weren't any "awkward pauses" (can't explain what I mean any better). Timing is something so important to an animation like this. It's hard to get right.

 

One thing I would love to see... a "final" animation. This is fantastic as far as the story and "basic action" but it would be great to see it go one step further. It looks like a really well done animatic. I'd love to see better rendering, more detail (better ground textures/detail and background image). Some interesting expressions on the faces in close up (more acting). The main character really drives this and there are places whee some really over the top facial expressions and acting could make if funny as heck. You do that and this could really kick arse.

 

Just some opinions.

 

p.s. You still have plenty of time. OPEC is lowering production to raise prices again so it should still be relevant for a while.

 

 

-vern

[Gerry]

Great work! Nice timing and good sight gags! That's some serious progress.

[Rodney]

Daniel,

 

I watched the first time without the sound and thought it was terrific. Watching again with the sound... I think it nears the element of perfection in storytelling.

 

What you've got here is more than just a nice short film. Its the very reason we are all here; to tell stories with 3D animation. That you've accomplished this in such a short time... an tribute to you personally.

 

I loved it.

 

In your next project spend preproduction time learning about lighting and texturing and you'll be dangerous.

 

In my opinion there is only one glaring omission in this film; the Clown needs to be seen (or heard) again at the end.

 

Bravo. More of that please!

[robcat2075]

That's quite impressive! That's a great example of what an enthusiastic new user can do.

 

That's a wonderful idea for a short film and the pacing and camera work show you know your way around making a movie.

 

 

Polishing? Probably the biggest bang for your time would be to upgrade the environments and lighting. (That will send render time thru the roof, but that's computer time not you time).

 

 

Thumbs up also to your associates who did the original music and sounds effects!

[PF_Mark]

Well done want to help us make a movie? we need all the help we can get and well train you as well!

[danf]

WOW!! Such great feedback!!!

 

Rodney- Seriously, I GOING TO DO THAT. I struggled a lot with the ending, and one common theme me, my girlfriend, and a buddy had was "someone could be controlling the price." But that never struck me as perfect. Combined with your advice? PERFECT ENDING. I wish I hadn't posted it on YouTube yet!!! I don't care, this is short film 2.0 for all I care.

 

The car pulling around was actually a remake of one of my first shots, but it was my second to last hand-rendered shot, so that's a really good guess, although the rearing warp was an action I made near the beginning.

 

The getting into the car shot LOOKS good from this angle, because I was so frustrated with it. There's basically a keyframe on every frame of that, and the location of his arm is not consistent at all. That's what gives it a stop-motion animation quality- there's a lot of inconsistency under the surface, but that amount of attention to a single motion paid off in an unexpected way. That shot drove me crazy, but it wasn't the last...

 

The last one was actually the shot where he has the nozzle in his hand, ready to pump, and turns around slowly. That was my big chance to make up for how unrealistic his other two step turn-around was, and I think I conveyed a lot more weight in it.

 

And PF Mark- I'm interested in your proposition... I'm curious what ways you need help doing, and how you'd go about training me. Feel free to email me for a more personal conversation, danielfinlay @t me d0t com.

[robcat2075]

I wish I hadn't posted it on YouTube yet!!! I don't care, this is short film 2.0 for all I care.

 

It only has 100 views so far. Pull it, add the ending and then the other 100,000 will come by

[danf]

I'm doing it. This feels so crazy!!!

[danf]

Little preview for y'all on the forum. I'll record the chuckle @ my friend's studio on monday, hopefully have the new vid up on tuesday. I'm so glad I shared, I knew the ending had a bigger punch somewhere, but I couldn't see the forest for all the animation

 

[Rodney]

Now that you are having great fun with that angle... I turn on you again.

 

One thing to be mindfull of when closing your story is to avoid pursuing the easy out.

I think you are safe here but... I want to illustrate my thoughts on the subject if I may.

 

Its very common for an element early in a film to reappear at the ending.

Actually, its very hard not to do this in storytelling!

The danger is in telegraphing or allowing your audience to anticipate the ending.

 

In other words, the principle of Anticipation can be both a good and a bad thing.

In animation you generally want to anticipate the activity so that the audience has time to view and understand the purpose. Generally, in storytelling you want to do the opposite, don't let the audience know anything more than you want them to know at any given moment. This makes the ending, or twists and turns in the plot more fullfilling (the audience is filled all the way full by the time the film ends).

 

In such a short film as yours you play this well.

There is no reason to think the clown has anything to do with anything through the film.

The audiences attention is quickly grabbed by something familiar (the gasoline stand) and the activities going on there. The clown is (in my estimation) completely forgotten. You've delivered that part really well! Now the danger is in following the easy way out at the end.

 

Think about that ending... then think again.

If the idea came too easily then it most likely will not be the best ending.

 

I think immediately you have the opportunity to seal the deal on your first film by altering the audio alone. Adding a laugh track as the credits roll for instance. For that first film that'd make for a very satisfying ending. The clown is not seen and yet simultaneously clues the audience in while grabbing their interest with a desire to learn more. At that point you've got the audience right where you want them.

 

But... can anything else be added from there? Can anything else be done?

Yes, I think so... but be careful.

 

First, think in terms of economy.

What would be the best bang for the buck if you had limited time/money to spend on this?

I think the auditory laugh is a safe bet for you there.

Beyond that you can go just about anywhere (if you got the budget for it!)

 

Remember Pixar's outtakes where the audience got to see more of the characters at the end of their films? People loved those almost more than the movies themselves!!!

You want to know why? It was through those innovative flashbacks that the audience got to relive the experience, learn more about the story and see 'old friends' again.

 

I think there is an opportunity here to explore more of the story with that clown. But again... be careful. Whose story is this anyway? Do you want the clown to overshadow the main character? If not then you might want to play that whole clown aspect down. This is where the ending with an offstage laugh might pay off again as it leaves the main character's status intact.

 

Note: I am not suggesting you abandon what you've added to the ending just now... I am however suggesting you consider what you can do with that to take the tale (your original one) even further. Think about opportunities for subtlety... if you are going full out one direction... make sure you go the other direction (anticipating the action and the storyline) first!

 

Daniel... I love what you've got already so trust and follow your instinct.

All this is just words. As you can tell, I really enjoyed your film.

 

Rock on!

 

 

(Apologies for the length of the post... it was much shorter in my mind!)

[danf]

I was already imagining the wacky sequel that tries to explain how the Clown beat him there...

 

Also there's a problem I've noticed with this "new" version, where it's easy to miss the "price" label on the dial because of the clown's wink... I might need to work a closeup of the dial in, to make sure the message is conveyed.

 

Anyways, I'm going to think about this more in the morning. But overall, it seems to perfect to pass up.

[Rodney]

I was already imagining the wacky sequel that tries to explain how the Clown beat him there...

 

If you had a really big budget... you could have snippets of other people stopping at the gasoline stand.

 

The trick there though would then be...

 

Main visit

...next vistor

...next

...next

(punchline)

 

In something like this the story would usually have the clown laughing each time at his own brilliance and ability to get everyone one... every time. In the end he gets his come-uppance and... the punchline gets thrown. (Clown gets into his own car... laughing hysterically at the losers that fell for his joke... prepares to drive off... tries to crank ignition... ... Close in on Gas gauge as needle displays his car tank is empty... zoom out to show just how big the desert is that he is in... fade to black as laugher fades. Clown screams... Arrrrggghhhhh!)

 

Alternate: He drives off laughing... but laughter fades as car runs out of gas... pushes car back to gas station... only to find out his previous vistors took all the gas.

 

Seriously though, there is quite a considerable bit o' gold to mine in your basic story.

I just don't want to have to pay to produce it all!

[heyvern]

To be perfectly honest... I prefer the gas station attendant be anonymous. I think it's funnier without knowing who it is. People could imagine it might be the clown... but how did he get there so fast? Also the joke doesn't work as well if there are a lot of people getting tricked. It works really well with just the one poor guy being tormented all alone in the desert. This is one of those classic stories, like the road runner and coyote, or Tom and Jerry. Just two adversaries.

 

When I first saw that animation I thought the clown car would catch up to the hummer and the guy would just laugh until a whole pile of clowns started getting out of the car and... well... that didn't happen so I don't really know what the clowns would do after that... but I imagined a LOT of clowns... an army of clowns... using the flocking plugin... lots of clowns... I'm sleepy and my brain is wandering off on little journeys... I will dream of clowns.

 

-vern

[danf]

I've made the new ending, the way I was starting to previously.

 

 

On this forum, that feels like a controversial move. But having sat in with two different groups of 10 people, watching either ending, it's clear that the anonymous ending leaves the viewer feeling ever so vaguely unsatisfied, while the new ending is an unmistakable gimmick, that gets a vocal "Ahhh!" every time from new viewers.

 

There are interesting arguments for all sorts of different endings- one I'd had in mind was the last shot is the clown giving the guy a ride in his now-crushed car. I'd call that a sweet ending, too. But this one gets a great response already, I don't want to get overly philosophical with the "message" of the cartoon, they both work, they just make the clown out as slightly different characters.

 

Thanks for all the feedback, I've loaded up on it, unfortunately so much of it is contradictory, I've had to pick and choose. But regardless, I've appreciated the extra thoughts.

[heyvern]

I like it!

 

It works. It's subtle and effective. It's short and you don't dwell on it. Great payoff. I retract my previous objections.

 

-vern

[danf]

Sweet, thanks!

[NancyGormezano]

That's great storytelling, great camera work - excellent - bravo!

 

I like the ending, very clever, did not see it coming.

 

I also did not see your first version -

 

This version to me was very satisfying - start to finish, held my attention.