My "Third Thursday" October Entry for Society of Visual Storytelling

[NancyGormezano]

I've signed up for a monthly subscription for the Society of Visual Storytelling - excellent instructors, with the most amazing excellent, creative students, & interesting courses! (I am such a noob).

 

Every month (third Thursday) they have a contest. This month (October), the prompt was "None of the animals could believe their eyes. The aircraft worked! For the first time, Ostrich was actually flying."

 

I entered at the last moment (first time), and my entry was not finished. So I've continued to work on it .Still not done, as I don't feel like the illustration tells a good enough story. But I'm tired of it, so I probably won't go any further. Here is what I have (not what I submitted)

 

I used A:M of course and tweaked it further in Photoshop. My goal was to be able to get a handcrafted look, that doesn't look CGish. And to develop a more automatic pipeline.

 

However, this time, I spent way too much time on technique and rendering style, rather than more importantly on content (which this desperately needs). Next month's contest is to design a book cover, for a volume of Edgar Allen Poe short stories.

 

EDIT: flipped image so that it reads left to right - I like it better! - was suggested to me by someone on SVS forum

Edited October 19, 2015 by NancyGormezano

[robcat2075]

That is lovely, Nancy, and it doesn't look CG!

 

Knock 'em dead next time!

[itsjustme]

Looks great, Nancy!

[Rodney]

That's awesome Nancy. I love the style.

Makes me want to read the rest of the story.

 

It sounds to me like the SVS is going to be very good for you.

It's important to get that critical feedback that challenges us to raise the bar even higher in our work.

That suggestion to flip the image was a great one... pointing the reader forward toward the reveals that will occur as they turn the page of the book.

[NancyGormezano]

It's important to get that critical feedback that challenges us to raise the bar even higher in our work.

That suggestion to flip the image was a great one... pointing the reader forward toward the reveals that will occur as they turn the page of the book.

 

 

Yup...And since I hadn't taken any art classes when going to school, I'm finally learning (new concepts to me) that it is better to start with small concept composition thumbnails, tone sketches before rushing into playing like I typically do - saves time, less likely to get attached to results, and less likely to be resistant to changing in the early stages, when a lot of work hasn't been done.

 

But for this contest, I just barged ahead spontaneously, in my typical workstyle..next one, I will "attempt to attempt" a new approach to the problem from a more planning, staged approach method, and...gulp...may even do a work in progress. (Shivers)

 

I changed image again to see if I could introduce some more story. I am very awkward at text, font choices, as have never studied them. Also not sure about white text.

[robcat2075]

If you could make the text rhyme, that would be cuteness overload.

 

 

How about some arrangement of the text like this that leads the eye through the story....

 

[NancyGormezano]

Thanks Robert. The text was the "given" - everyone did an illustration using those sentences, so no changing that...But I am going to work on changing the postures of the animals slightly to communicate more "worry" about Ostrich crashing into them ...and will also work on rearranging text again (going to zumba now)

[Rodney]

Interesting explorations Nancy.

I'm enjoying the journey.

 

With this latest you've changes some major dynamics of the composition that take a lot away from that initial image.

I'll state the following... see what you think of it:

 

- By turning Ostrich and plane around you've undid the improvement of the suggestion you mentioned before. Now, Osterich is flying to the left again. So that doesn't work as a page turning device if that makes sense.

In other words now you'd need to flip the image back again because you've changed the dynamic/direction of the action.

 

A few story points change with this latest.

Whereas before the image reflected the animals were surprised and amazed that Osterich was flying now it reads that they aren't sure Osterich has mastered flying just yet. As such something like this layout might serve well as a page before the previous page before the animals see that Osterich was really flying! I'll actually make this a suggestion. If you change the wording of 'this page' and flip the image we'd then have Osterich entering the two-page spread from left with animals in fear and bewilderment on the right... building the suspense as the reader wonders along with the animals... time for a page turn... next page... Aha! "None of the animals could believe their eyes. The aircraft worked! For the first time, Ostrich was actually flying." So the focus of the previous imagery is on the animals but on the next transfers to Osterich. The change is echoed in that on the previous the animals/masters have concern in their faces and (best of all) we cannot even see Osteriches face (wonderful in this case... not so much otherwise). The in the big reveal the animals/masters are all smiles and we see Osterich's face. He's flying! A final page then might be added as a denouncement/epilogue to suggest Osterich is still flying. Perhaps a pic of a an updated plane with friends going along for the ride... an Osterich that looks a bit more seasoned... and text that suggests, "And Osterich is still flying today."

 

I guess you could say that I'm a fan of Osterich being the focus of the story if you are only doing one page and hiding his face and making the animals the focus works against this.

This is not unlike dialogue/phrasing in animation where an emphasis is placed on certain words. What is the emphasis in the 'story' idea of "None of the animals could believe their eyes. The aircraft worked! For the first time, Ostrich was actually flying." I'd submit to you that would be Osterich flying. The animals are therefore there to support that idea. If there are in fear of Osterich crashing into them they are still in denial of Osterich's ability to fly.

 

Regarding the text, I visited the SVS site (after initially reading your post... nice site!) and in the video feedback for a theme from a couple months ago one of the critical suggestions related to text. It included the critiquer lightening the artwork underneath the text so that the text reads better. It's from the 'Charlie's Forest' session and can be found here:

 

https://youtu.be/AjY-NBkWfPQ?t=62

 

Note that I've given a little lead time in this link but it gets to the right place in short order... assuming the timing in the link works and takes you to the right place.

 

My feel is that black text would be better unless there is very good reason for white text (i.e. in cases where the background must be very dark). As your image is already light that wouldn't apply.

[johnl3d]

Fantastic as usual !!

[Simon Edmondson]

Nancy

Pardon my late response.

I'm not a graphic designer so take my comments in that light.

You've definitely achieved the non cg look sought after and, as usual, you have a highly tactile sense about the image.

I think the first composition works better because Ostrich is heading up and out of the frame to the right ( upwards and onwards ).

The placement of the text over the shadow takes away a strong visual element of the composition and has the effect of flattening the space, taking away some of the elevation of the plane.

The stong shape on the ground leads the eye back to the spectators which emphasises the space between them, which is what you want (?).

If I may make two small suggestions,

A slight tonal variation in the giraffes in the top left will make them stand out from the sky/landscape a bit more and,

If you made the text flow along the shape on the ground, changing scale and possibly colour, as it moved towards Ostrich, it might enhance the sense of movement and add to Ostrich's achievement ?

 

Would that I had your colour sense !

regards

simon

[NancyGormezano]

Thanks John! Thanks for the feedback Rodney, Simon, Robert.

 

By turning Ostrich and plane around you've undid the improvement of the suggestion you mentioned before.

 

 

Thanks Rodney - yes I totally agree -so I flipped it back. I like Ostrich facing away, and changing the point of view to be that of the animals rather than Ostrich. Less expected! I don't think this is a real story (it's a made-up prompt only for the contest), and I am assuming we have met and seen Ostrich on previous pages. In one of the courses on Storytelling (for book illustration, not animation) - it was suggested that one can choose to show the action before, during or after. And one of the winning entries for this go-around chose to not show Ostrich at all, just the reaction of all the animals. It was fabulously done, in the style of "far side comics" - where the animals were almost mocking Ostrich. All interpretations of what the story was, leading up to this prompt were totally up to illustrator. Obviously would be different if the whole story had been presented.

 

And yes, I've changed the text to black. Better! thanks.

 

In case you're interested:

 

Here's the video critique of the winners for this contest

 

As I understand it, these contests are designed to help people get pieces for their portfolio, so the prize of the contest is to get a critique, and once someone wins, they are not eligible to win again for 1 year I believe (to give everyone a chance to improve). So the winners are not necessarily the best entry, but more the best for "critiqueabilityness" as well as good entry. This is so that everyone can learn.

 

@Robcat - I've changed the text to flow across the pages - I like it better

 

A slight tonal variation in the giraffes in the top left will make them stand out from the sky/landscape a bit more

 

 

Yes I feel they were too similar in tonal value to stand out. I had used fog to blend them in A:M, but I changed it for the back animals to ignore fog. I could have also tweaked tone in photoshop. Thanks for the feedback Simon.

 

Here's this revision, the first image being the tweaked version in PS - In PS, I added some dabs to background, upped the saturation, added text. The 2nd image is how it came straight out of A:M

[robcat2075]

Nooo .... I think that's backwards.

 

"None of the animals could believe their eyes" should be near the animals and "the ostrich was flying " should be near the plane.

 

And i really liked it better when we could see the ostrich facing forward.

 

This flows from left to right and top to bottom...

 

[Rodney]

This may be a good example of the importance of maintaining a focus for the main character.

As soon as the emphasis changes from Osterich to the animals the entire dynamic of the image (and story flow) changes.

The issue here is that the text implies Osterich as is the main character.

[nemyax]

With the Ostrich's back to the viewer, it looks like she's about to strafe those animals, presumably after all the mockery she's had to endure from them as she failed to take off again and again. She's finally getting her sweet revenge!

That's actually quite a story right there.

[NancyGormezano]

Thanks again all for your feedback!

 

With the Ostrich's back to the viewer, it looks like she's about to strafe those animals, presumably after all the mockery she's had to endure from them as she failed to take off again and again. She's finally getting her sweet revenge!

That's actually quite a story right there.

Ah yes. heh heh. Yeah, that's why I prefer the version with "back to reader". For more interesting story reasons, only. However, have to admit, I wasn't thinking strafing (but good idea!) ...was thinking more that she was an inexperienced pilot, not yet able to control direction of aircraft, and causing some worry among her antagonists!. Should probably make the plane/pilot have some more wobbly feel, or show more posture

 

@Rodney, Robcat - But I have to agree, I do prefer the "facing viewer" version more as a stand alone image, because I prefer to see the face of Ostrich. Like I said before, I am going on the assumption that Ostrich's face has been shown in prior pages.

 

One of the comments made, in terms of developing portfolio, is to show the same text, illustrated 3 different ways, even 3 different styles.

 

@Robcat - thanks for the feedback - From what I understand, I don't think it is that important to have the text be so literally synced. Nor is it necessary that the text be aligned so perfectly to the action shown. As long as the image illustrates the entirety of the text, and contains blank space for text to be added later by "textologist". The layout of page could even include white space for text, not necessarily as an overlay on image.

 

Most of the images submitted didn't even have the text included.

 

However since I was thinking this could be a 2 page spread that spanned the crease, I am more concerned that the crocodile, currently, gets cut in the crease (directly in middle). That's a no-no for sure, unless I elongate him some.

 

As for text, that would be something I should find out (as to who adds text). They do have a course on "Illustrating Children's books" - over 20 hours - chock full of great info, on my queue, which will probably answer my question, or else I can ask on their forum.

 

 

From what I understand, and have observed, childrens books illustrators often add elements and back story activities in the image, that aren't explicitly stated in the text.

 

If anything, I would say this imagery (either version) does not have enough details, and auxiliary activity going on, eg, exhaust on plane, more detailed controls on plane, perhaps a sidekick (mouse) who accidentally hitched a ride at the wrong moment, birds flying around, etc

 

 

I hesitate to add here what I had started with (1st image, and unfortunately had submitted for contest) - UGH - but good for giggles and maybe interesting to show comparison. If I had started earlier, I would have obviously been better off getting feedback all along!

 

2nd image: Added some exhaust, put text at bottom, then top left. And yes, in case anyone was wondering, those "hay bale thingies" that were added, were stolen from Rodney's/Serg's spiral, and then hairified!

 

Edited again...put curvy letters back

 

 

Edited October 21, 2015 by NancyGormezano