Old Room

[LeeAnderson]

Hey Guys!

 

This is my latest project, I was going for a real film-noir kind of look. Anything I could do to improve?

 

C & C welcome and wanted!

[nimblepix]

Hey Jimmy, nice work!

 

There are a few things you might want to tweak.

 

The first thing I noticed was the guy's shadow on the wall to the right.

It doesn't make sense to me.

There is really no light source other than reflected coming from the head of the bed.

And his back is darker than his front, so what could be causing his shadow on the wall?

Odd reddish hair.

T-shirt around theshoulder looks odd, squared off.

The guy needs to bend the mattress more, not go through it.

 

Love the camera angle!

Love the mood!

This is going to be great!

 

Best wishes,

 

DanRJ

[LeeAnderson]

Thanks for your comments nimblepix!

 

I didn't even notice that shadow until you pointed it out. Thanks.

 

Something needs to be in the foreground, but I don't know what. Maybe a gun, or something.

 

Here's the update:

[Pengy]

Great mood...I can almost hear Humphfrey Bogart or someone as a tough gumshoe saying"life was grand till she walked into my life" So with that in mind why not a ladies hankie in the foreground or his dress shirt with lipstick on the collar.Or a newspaper with the headline LOCAL GUMSHOE WANTED FOR MURDER with his mugshot underneath. Just some ideas...man I gotta get out more

[MATrickz]

That looks great! I really like the mood and the warm lighting in the room.

 

The only thing that I thought was weird was his feet, I dont know if its the shadows or what but it looks like his right foot is tilted or something and not on the ground on one side of his shoe. Maybe you wanted to do that I'm not sure, but either way I love the pic, keep it up!

[LeeAnderson]

Hey, Pengy thanks for your comments. You're ideas were great and they evolved into the note at the bottom.

 

I see what you're saying about the shoe MATrickz, It wasn't actually tilted but it did look that way, so I changed it.

 

So may I present, update #2. Anymore comments and ideas are appreciated.

[dark_ninja]

It looks good now that you've added something to

the foreground. Not that it didn't look good before...

[KNBits]

Nice! You made good use of people suggestions. This picture tell a piece of a story by itself, and that is good. You might want to add some clues to it (or maybe not). What is this place exactly? To me, it is a modest hotel room now. I could add a phone on the table, a bag on the bed, some cheap painting reproduction on the wall. And I would replace this expensive solar powered lamp by another one that plug in the wall .

 

The light coming from outside is great and create a nice mood with volumetric. The rays of light could be more parallel to fake a sun effect, but the way it is right now add to the enigma (it looks like a strong police light or helicopter light to me right now).

 

I'm not sure what the other light suggest though (the one coming from the left side of camera). It cast hard shadows like a spot (like the one under his right arm, and the one that the lamp cast on the wall), but also feel like the bouncing light of the main source coming from the window. If it's that the case, you might try to increase the width of the light, . This will blur the shadows. Check to decrease the shadow darkness for this light too.

 

Great work!

[nimblepix]

Jimmy,

 

Comin' along very nicely!

 

How about curving his back a bit, he seems very stiff.

It's difficult to interpret his attitude right now.

You could also put more weight on his right arm while he's curved more forward.

Perhaps tilting his head down more too.

He seems to have very little weight on his feet.

I think it's because he has to reach so far down to get to the floor.

 

The note is a very nice touch.

The penmanship indicates sophistication on the writer's part.

Nice backstory building up here.

 

DanRJ

[LeeAnderson]

Thank you all so much for your comments!

 

Homework has taken over my life for a few days

 

I've taken all of your comments so and added to the piece...peice...peace....

 

Expect an update this weekend sometime, thanks again!

[robcat2075]

That's a good shot. Maybe a few cracks on the walls or something to roughen it up? The a-shirt is a great touch.

 

"Remember me as I was". I wonder what sort of creature she's reverting back to? And does he still have his wallet?

 

But there's one little detail that bothered me when I first saw this. That's the way the bed doesn't seem grounded to the floor.Most of the floor around the bed would be "lit" only by light bouncing off the ceiling, and the area right next to the bed would be exposed to less of the ceiling than parts farther away.

 

I don't know how you'd get that effect without some radiosity technique... negative lights around the bed perhaps?

 

I tried to touch it up in PS to show the general effect, it's not real accurate, but it's the basic idea.

[John Bigboote]

Hey Jimmy- I LIKE this scene...reminds me of every MOTEL-8 I've ever stayed in. MY only input would be to put something...like a gun...on the carpet in the foreground. That would break-up the monotony of the carpet pattern and add to the story...

 

If not a gun than maybe a remote... a magazine... a womans hi-heel shoe... a stack of dollar bills...

 

Just seems SOMETHING needs to be there for composition sakes.

 

NICE WORK.

[LeeAnderson]

I see what you're saying about the bed, Robcat. That's been bothering me too. I'm going see if I can't just add some decals to make that work. Right now, this is just a PS job too.

 

John, I completely agree. There needs to be something right in that spot, as soon as I find it, I'll model it and put it in.

 

Thanks guys! If I missed anything, let me know.