The Blackboard

[OzTiff]

Hi,

 

I'd really appreciate it if some of you could critique my Woozle piece, The Blackboard. It's the first animation of any substance that I've completed, and I'd like to take the many many lessons learned and opinions forward to the next project (as yet undecided).

 

The current hash link is http://www.hash.com/users/minimovie/blackboard.html

 

 

There is also a smaller window media player version available on my home page

 

http://home.swiftdsl.com.au/~oztiff/

 

Thanks!

[NancyGormezano]

Tiffany - I think this piece had alot going for it - the render quality was excellent, set design excellent, loved the opening and closing credits with the writing on the blackboard (how did you do that?), also thought the entire sound design of the piece was very good - And of course, the SCRATCH - what a crack up, what a surprise - still has me smiling, giggling. For some crits - perhaps adding additional antics before the scratch, with the teacher trying to get the kids attention, that could show the escalation of frustration. Overall I really enjoyed it. (Was surprised that the teacher was a male - not a crit - just surprised). Good job!

[Fishman]

Tiffany,

I liked your movie, the special effects of the blackboard writing and the chalk dust were excellent.

 

A couple of minor critiques:

1) I agree with Nancy that a build-up of frustration would definitely improved the impact or the nails on the chalkboard.

2) When he is waiting outside, try to show a little more motion other than the head and hands. Perhaps he could be leaning against the wall or squatting down to gather his breath and his courage.

3) I like the peek into the classroom. However when he walks into the room, he walks like the old peanuts characters in straight lines with right angle turns. He should take a more natural looking route.

 

A very admirable effort for your first animation, great sets, great character, good lighting. You are well on your way, you should be proud of your effort!

 

Scott

[Rodney]

Tiffany,

I know you are looking for critiques but I don't really have any to offer.

Yours was an outstanding entry in the midst of a lot of other outstanding entries.

 

I can tell you what I liked about it.

 

Great texturing and color. You look like you spent some serious time designing this.

 

Great story. A kind of day in the life feeling that I could identify with because I've had to face classrooms of people that didn't want to be there myself.

 

Interesting character. I'll admit he looks a bit strange for my taste but that is personal preference only. I'm not a fan of 'eye-stalk' characters. Guess I should try a couple myself and I'd probably like them more. Of all the eyestalk characters I've seen yours is the most interesting one I've seen in human (alien?) form!

 

Sound. Solid. Great job. How'd you accomplish this? Record on your own?

 

Okay... maybe one critique... some of the walking was a bit stiff but I didn't think that really detracted much. Smoothing out the hard angles from turn to turn would enhance the piece though.

 

Your talent really shines in this animation. Keep it up!

*I see Nancy (Doh! and Scott too) have hit a lot of what I mention already and more.

 

Rodney

[Ed Doyle]

I loved it.

I laughed out loud. Nice job

 

Ed

[Paul Forwood]

Tiffany

 

I thought that your entry was an excellent effort.

The only suggestions that I have for you are to experiment with different walk cycles. The teacher is lifting his knees too high, as if he is stepping over obstacles on the floor, and he needs a little more movement in his upper body and head.

 

The writing to the blackboard was excellent!

[OzTiff]

Wow! Thanks for all your replies, they're very appreciated. Lifted me right up

 

Yes, that walk and path ... I was going to fix it right before the end, but I quickly realised that that would affect the sound, the movement of the arm carrying the chalk and a few other things. Rather than wreck it completely as I ran out of time I left it as is.

 

Nancy, I though your animation was terrific! The costumes and hair on your characters really bring them to life. As for the teacher being a male, Woozle is the only character I've made so far so he wasn't really designed for the part, and he's certainly not feminine enough to put a female voice to! So he just had to fit in. I'm planning on trying a witch next, what fun she could have had.

 

Scott, yes, I agree on the anticipation. My effort towards the end was to throw a couple of paper planes in. I think as much as anything doing this, I learnt that I should have had a more planned out script before I began. Making use of the fact that this is an animation and moving the character around a lot more is also a good point. Thanks. Your peanuts reference made me laugh.

 

Thanks for your comments Rodney. Poor old Woozle with his stalk eyes. I think that came from my terrible drawing skills as much as anything. More planning for the next model as well as the script. Stalk eyes are not great for showing emotion either, there's no brow to crinkle and the eyebrows don't really stand out. I really wouldn't bother trying them out.

 

The sound, well that's was all thanks to other peoples comments on various forums. I downloaded audacity, and then went to Sounddogs and purchased a few sounds, then got myself a computer voice generator thingy (my attempt at recording was way more static than voice), made sure I typed 'zed' for 'z' and I was away... it wasn't nearly as hard as I thought it would be.

 

Thanks Ed and Paul too. The forums are really what makes Hash, as much as the application itself. I don't participate as much as I should, but I sure read a lot.

 

Oh yes, Nancy, the writing on the blackboard. I followed a tutorial by Darrin Mossor. http://www.mossor.org/Desktop/Tutorials/Sp...rite/index.html and just adapted it. It was a little trickier because I had to do the sound first (a lot of close listening and cutting and pasting) and then match the ease on the path to sounds. I was pretty happy with the results!

[pixelmech]

Lots of good replies here, let me just say Tiffany, excellent job for your first piece. I bet you found out how much work it is! Take what is suggested here with all you learned, apply it to your next piece and you will be surprised at how much progress you will make!

 

I enjoyed the movie though, and thought it was well done. I too like the writing on the chalkboard!

 

Tom

[heyvern]

The only critique I had was this...

 

More story!

 

the idea was good. The acting was FANTASTIC! You nailed that frightened teacher concept with subtle body motion in a short time frame.

 

I was... disappointed a the end... I liked the idea of the scratch on the chalk board as an ice breaker to connect with the students... I was just hoping for more... don't know what exactly.

 

My first impression... the first thing in my head at the end...

 

"Wow! That looked fantastic... but that's it?"

 

I wanted more of a payoff.

 

Anyway... great job! I hope I haven't said anything to discouraging.

 

Vernon "!" Zehr

[Dearmad]

Vern hit the nail on the head for me too.

[OzTiff]

Thanks Vernon, thanks Dearmad. And no, there was nothing discouraging in there at all. At the end of a piece like that there's no way I can look at it objectively, that's why feedback here is so good.

 

My first thought when I watched the Cell Phone (apart from, well there's no way I'm going to win now), was how long it was and how 'simple' it was (not in effort but in style, sets, models etc). I'd be very interested to know the sort of planning that went into that beforehand, ie. how much do you map out beforehand and how much do you go with the flow? I guess I assumed that I was aiming around the 30 second mark. Mind you, I could have cut off half his walk and utilised the rest of the time more wisely!

 

And Tom, you bet your boots I'll be bigger and better in another one of your comp's. Just might not be for a while! I'm going to model a new character first and that might take some time ....

[ZachBG]

Most of what has been mentioned I would agree with, but I would also add that the eye-stalks seemed like a missed opportunity for overlapping action. And it would be super easy--just add a couple of Dynamic Constraints on the stalk bones and adjust the Stiffness property to whatever looks good.

 

Incidentally, as someone who suffers from OLSD (overly-long-story-disorder), I very much liked that it was short. It's quality that counts, not quantity. And it was a mini movie contest, after all. (I was kinda surprised when Tom said there was no upper limit, in fact.)

[robcat2075]

It's awkward to crtique a first movie, even a "mini" movie. Theres' just too much work that goes into one to dismiss it.

 

But you're asking for fault finding, right? Begging even? I'll try to oblige...

 

-The titles and credits take too long to write out. Keep the blackboard motif, but in cartoon time the writing can happen WAY faster (perhaps with a broken rhythm) without confusing anyone.

 

-The male voice was unexpected and added an element of confusion. It looked female to me at first.

 

-You manuvered the character thru the door rather well, but the walk cycle seemed mechanical and out of place. And there didn't seem to be a reason for him pacing the front of the class.

 

- Since your character is a biped like yourself, you can easily analyze motions before animating them. For example, the sideways shuffle while writing. Would you be able to balance your weight on both feet and then move one to the side, without first shifting all weight to the other foot? Nope. Maybe if the floor were greased, or if you had casters instead of feet. Not the case here, however.

 

-The pose of the hand makes it look like he's rubbing his fingertips on the blackboard rather than scratching it with his nails.

 

-The dust effect on the hands is nice but dissipates too quickly I think.

 

-You might have done more with the paper airplanes, perhaps having one narrowly miss the teacher.

 

- The set and lighting are very well done. They leave no doubt that we are in a school setting.

 

-Seeing the teacher outside the class first being nervous is a good story "beginning". Good visual story telling.

 

- Zed? Zed?? hmmm, let's try that out...

 

I think that I shall never see,

A letter as lovely as a Zed.

 

But all-in all, a successful mini-movie. I hope you will make more of them.

[OzTiff]

Zach, you know I never even thought about making his eyes dynamic! As for an upper limit on the mini movie contest, I think that's a great idea. Particularly given that this competition has no set theme to follow. It brings the entries closer together in another element. Congratulations on your mini movie too, I thought it was excellent.

 

RobCat, thank you for your in-depth reply, and yes, I was (almost) begging for fault finding. Both yourself and Nancy commented on the fact that Woozle appeared to be female. I had to take a good hard look at him, and yes, he could easily be a girl. Eeek, what kind of monster have I created?! I'm about 1/3 the way through modelling my next character and let me tell you, there's no way to mistake that this is a girl (nor are there any stalk eyes in the vicinity). I agree with all the rest of your observations, thanks for taking the time to make them.

 

Ah yes, another thing on my list, attention to detail ....

[TurboGorilla]

I really enjoyed that! I am truly in awe with the talent shown in the A:M community and with the versatility and output of the A:M software!