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Animatic for December's 11 Second Club competition


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Doubt I'll be able to finish this in time, but would still like to hear your thoughts... specifically related to:

1. Concept

2. Readability

3. Pacing

4. Staging

 

These are coworkers, and the picture on the wall behind the girl is her manager. It's rough, but should be enough for you "directors" to evaluate.

 

Thanks!

Mark

 

(1.6Mb, Sorenson 3 Mov.)

TestRender1d.mov

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Mark,

Here is my impression after watching your animatic three times

All this... for what its worth.

 

First, a recommendation as you suggest you may not have enough time.

Perhaps you can consider accellerating some parts of activities in the sequence so you don't have to animate them. Determine what is absolutely essential business to convey the core activities and concetrate there. Then if you find yourself ahead of schedule you can add the other elements in.

 

Specifically, I would drop the dart throwing and just stick a dart in the picture.

Instead you could have her writing/rewriting that same paper and tossing rejected paper in the trash can. This introduces and keeps our subconscious on what she is writing and raises our anticipation and interest of reading what is on that paper.

 

I know the dart sequence seems important but I think its secondary.

Having it stuck in the picture already would create a past for these characters.

Maybe supplement with other props as time allows (calendar with lots of Xs leading up to this specific date, lots of trash aroudn the trashcan etc.)

 

I know this messes with your direction... so... toss in the trashheap as necessary.

 

 

Now on to your request for specific information:

 

1. Concept

The situation isn't clear (by design) until the final reveal. I like it!

Having 'the boss' be in the next cubicle allows for some nice business with him looking over the top and manuevering around it.

The concept works very well.

The final reveal works very well.

 

2. Readability

The biggest drop in readibility is when one of the words gets lost audibly.

I still don't know what that word is three views later.

If that word is garbled perhaps the animation can clarify better?

 

3. Pacing

There is a lot going on and so it seems a little rushed. Removing the dart throwing would give you all the time you need and allow you to slow down the pace as necessary. Get some good pauses in there where we can see the characters faces. We'll read their inner conflicts/personalities there.

 

4. Staging

You could probably turn the angle of the scene a little more clockwise but it works as is. Turning it might allow for essential action by 'the boss' to be seen more clearly. Guessing what angle would be optimum... about a 60/40 share favoring the lady's cubicle?

 

 

...for your consideration.

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First, I'm not an expert.

 

I like everything about the animatic except that I think you need another half second of the woman relaxing (satisfied) after stabbing the pen into the boss' picture.

 

I watched the clip about thirty times and that was the only area that felt a little jarring to me.

 

Hope that helps, Mark.

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That's a good animatic because it shows us what your plan is and I like that you didn't go to a close up of each character just to tell us who's talking.

 

I think that's a good premise. I'm not sure how you're going to make the boss's picture on the wall clear. Who puts a picture of their boss in their cube? Viewers might be more likely to assume it's her boyfriend or husband. Maybe it's not important.

 

 

Pacing... well, you're kinda stuck with what the audio gives you.

 

Here's my shot at an alternate staging.

 

cubelayout02.jpg

 

You have your camera at about "A" on the set, but if you had it at "B" you might get a more dynamic composition.

 

"A" presents both characters about the same size and same level which is static. That may not matter for an 11 second shot but it's more "TV sitcom" than "movie".

 

"B" adds a bit of tension by not having them the same size and putting "him" up higher. "B" gives him an opportunity to grow in the scene as he becomes more important. "B" also gets him playing to the camera more. Don't have "her" turn to face him while she's talking, have her avoiding him. That makes her more visible to the camera too.

 

 

Readability... with either staging that will depend on your posing and it's too soon to tell how you'll do that. Either staging could be readable.

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Thanks very much, guys, for the great input.

 

I was intentionally vague in my description to see if people would know what was happening. The guy is supposed to be her coworker friend who doesn't want to see her quit, but I don't think anyone got that from what I drew. Frames 1-20 are supposed to show her writing the final exclamation point, then jabbing the pen into her boss's picture. Seems like I missed the mark a bit, huh?

 

Rodney:

Good point about trimming it back to meet the deadline. In this case it would help to be able to shift those seconds to other parts of the animation, too.

 

Your comment on pacing is good. To make it less frantic and more readable I may experiment with opening with a close shot of the pen sticking out of the picture and the girl out of focus in the background with that evil expression on her face, then shift focus in on her face before the guy starts talking. That could be really cool.

 

The staging needs a lot of help. I initially just started drawing to get some ideas down.

 

David:

I completely agree about needing more time to show the girl's satisfied expression. If the beginning is changed, I can steal some time and put it here. That would work well.

 

Rob:

I had the same thoughts about why she would have her boss's picture on the cube wall, but if she was psycho enough it might be plausible.

 

Thanks for the great drawing and ideas regarding camera angles and dynamic composition (I think that's what Rodney was saying too). Your suggestion of camera position B works really well, especially if I were to open with a closeup of the picture and possibly her hand jabbing the pen into it, then pull back or shift focus to see her sitting back in the chair. Nice! What do you think?

 

Your idea of having her stay turned away from him sounds good too. I was making her "throw" the words "an outline" at him because of her intonation. The same effect could be used without her actually facing him, though.

 

Good stuff! Now I'm off to rework some things. I'll try to get a modified version up in the next few days, if you guys wouldn't mind checking back again for another look.

 

Mark

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Your "A" layout does make it clear that they are in an office setting with cubes next to each other. Mine doesn't. You might solve that by putting some cubes on the other side of the hallway.

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