zandoriastudios Posted April 7, 2015 Share Posted April 7, 2015 (edited) Here is the Pitch bible for this series. If you have feedback or suggestions, I welcome it! I haven't "submitted" it yet, so any improvements that might help this show get picked up would be awesome. Of course, maybe the show won't get picked up, but this document still serves to guide where this project is going TAR, Pitch.pdf Edited April 10, 2015 by zandoriastudios updated .pdf Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dpendleton77 Posted April 7, 2015 Share Posted April 7, 2015 Awesome pitch. But what happens to Tar's daughter? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Admin Rodney Posted April 8, 2015 Admin Share Posted April 8, 2015 Thanks for this Will, it's great to get more insight into where the story is heading. It's a bit early for me to suggest much especially as you likely have those bases covered. I'll offer a few thoughts that seem to be suggested in the narrative of the pitch but might be hard to pull off in the seven minutes or so of each episode. Red Lori It seems to be written in between the lines that Red Lori is abducted by the Stone Monkey but it isn't expressly stated. That appears to be a major motivation for Tar (as if fighting evil wizards, watching dancing girls and drinking fruit punch was enough... now Tar has to deal with unrequited love!) Black Lucien I sure hope you can drop a hint in each episode (or every other episode) that suggests Black Lucien is steadily catching up to Tar. It might even be a bit humorous (if not anticipation building!) if he almost catches up in each episode but arrives too late to battle with Tar. If possible it would be nice bit to leave it up in the air whether Tar is aware of Black Lucien at all... at other times it might seem that Tar is deliberately and cunningly avoiding the inevitable fight with Black Lucien. Is Black Lucien thinking Tar is highly skilled warrior or just a stupid (but incredibly lucky) Hippopotamus? I guess it goes without saying that I'm a fan of the hyena's. I always root for the underdog. And these guys don't stand a chance... they've never had an encounter like Tar. Martin the Mystic I just had to mention him because I think he's cool. No suggestion for him though. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zandoriastudios Posted April 8, 2015 Author Share Posted April 8, 2015 Tar doesn't have a daughter... That is the antelope chieftain's daughter Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dpendleton77 Posted April 8, 2015 Share Posted April 8, 2015 Tar doesn't have a daughter... That is the antelope chieftain's daughter Okay. I was must have read it wrong. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zandoriastudios Posted April 8, 2015 Author Share Posted April 8, 2015 No--if not clear, I will rewrite that sentence. Thanks for pointing it out Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zandoriastudios Posted April 8, 2015 Author Share Posted April 8, 2015 Red Lori It seems to be written in between the lines that Red Lori is abducted by the Stone Monkey but it isn't expressly stated. That appears to be a major motivation for Tar (as if fighting evil wizards, watching dancing girls and drinking fruit punch was enough... now Tar has to deal with unrequited love!) Yes, that is Red Lori. I will edit to make it clearer. Thanks! Black Lucian definitely needs an entire episode...I'm thinking that he will not attack TAR directly, but will use others. He knows first-hand that TAR is dangerous. He is the one alive at the end of "Marked for Death". He will have a patch over the eyeball that TAR knocked out. I already have this version of the character modeled, but chose not to include in the downloadable assets (yet) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
detbear Posted April 8, 2015 Share Posted April 8, 2015 Will, Looks great. I see you chose the more "human-like" leg for the Water Buffalo. I should've gone with the human legs on the sculpt Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zandoriastudios Posted April 8, 2015 Author Share Posted April 8, 2015 Martin the Seer, with his cloak made of patches.... Wandering the plains of Africa.... C'mon, ya got to know this character! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dpendleton77 Posted April 8, 2015 Share Posted April 8, 2015 No--if not clear, I will rewrite that sentence. Thanks for pointing it out No that was my fault I re-read it lol. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Admin Rodney Posted April 8, 2015 Admin Share Posted April 8, 2015 Martin the Seer, with his cloak made of patches.... Wandering the plains of Africa.... C'mon, ya got to know this character! Hehe. Like it could be kept secret. He's much taller than I remember him. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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