I must redo the trailer for my book...

[rusty]

Hi,

 

I screwed up thinking that the word I wanted was 'Quadology' and my proof reader said she could not verify that this word existed and suggested I use Quadrilogy instead, which I did everywhere. Now I find out that this isn't 'really' a word either and that I should have used Tetralogy.

 

Crap! I have a lot of changes to make--almost everything!! Including the animated trailer. Since I have to do this I'm asking anyone who will take the time to watch it again and see if there is anything else I should consider. If you are willing to the trailer is at the link below. Unfortunately, my time is limited so I'll have to pick and choose. Some of the things I'm considering outside of changing Quadology and Quadrilogy to Tetralogy are:

* Removing the credits at the end

* Removing the copyright scene at the front

* Redoing or re-tweaking the voice

* Reducing the saturation to make it look more realistic

 

Comments on these are welcome as well.

 

The trailer can be seen at

http://www.TheSpiralSlayer.com

or

 

Thanks,

Rusty

[Rodney]

Some of the things I'm considering outside of changing Quadology and Quadrilogy to Tetralogy are:

* Removing the credits at the end

* Removing the copyright scene at the front

* Redoing or re-tweaking the voice

* Reducing the saturation to make it look more realistic

 

 

Rusty,

Your first link (to www.thespiralslayer.com) doesn't work for me.

The second one worked fine though.

 

My initial thought would be to strive for clarity throughout and as such I'll offer the following:

 

Most folks don't know what a Tetralogy is so while it's fine to have that word attached to the product I'd be more in favor of "a stunning four part series" where the word 'stunning' is whatever you want to spotlight for this particular portion of the Tetralogy. I would consider steering clear of 'tetraology' mostly if the fouth in your series is not a satire. In other words, in a strict sense of the term 'Tetralogy' seems to imply a recipe (in the old greek form) of three parts Drama followed up by one part Satire. As I assume the last of the series is not satirical the word may still fit but you still have to contend with the fact that the average person does not know that a tetralogy consists of four parts without looking up the term. If covering the first of four stories in a series you could simply state, "the first in a four part series" or if you really want to use the word something along the lines of "the first of a four part tetralogy". At least in this last form the basic definition of what a tetralogy means is supplied too.

 

At any rate, don't get too caught up there or else your audience will too.

Always strive for clarity.

 

It is along this same line of clarity that I would continue to refine your trailer.

 

First, let me say that I think the trailer delivers the current message well (that you are offering a four story).

The question then becomes one of whether or not this delivers the message you intend.

I will assume it does. (i.e. you are purposefully trying to intrigue the audience by keeping things a bit vague... suggesting that they want to follow up by pressing into the series, by reading the books or by watching additional trailers or the next installment/TV series/comic book/blockbuster movie.

I have some additional thoughts here but... let's move on.

 

I would strive for utter clarity in the fonts presented on screen.

The 3D lettering effect is a bit distracting and it makes the words harder to read as is the specialized font style in general.

In general, I would reserve special fonts for the title only or places where they specifically lend themselves to the story (example: a spacecraft with the worn out and fading lettering of it's christened name painted in bold lettering on the side of its hull, computer screen text or alien lettering that is by design still humanly readable or at least decipherable.

 

So that would be my number one suggestion: Limit the text/fonts to the bare minimum necessary and make sure they are easily readable.

This would seem to validate your decision to jettison the credits at the end... they aren't easily readable.

Perhaps instead you could point the viewer to somewhere where they could read more.

 

Personally I like your intro graphics up to the point where 'Virtual Media'/'Bookreel' appears.

When you move to the Book 1 title things get unreadable.

This is due to several things (moving text, non standard fonts/lettering, too many words for too little time on screen, etc.)

 

I hesitate to make this suggestion but... a consideration... for whatever its worth:

 

The Spiral Slayers

by Rusty Williamson

 

Book One: Encounters

 

That alone would suffice but I understand that you want to plug the whole series so, the alternate:

 

The Spiral Slayers

by Rusty Williamson

 

Book One: Encounters

Book Two: Countdown Armageddon

Book Three: The Odyssey

Book Four: The War Lords

 

There is something a bit odd about two of these titles in that I'm not sure if you intended the 'O' in 'The Odyssey' to be capitalized.

Similarly, I assume you desire "War Lords" as two distinct words instead of "Warlords".

Works for me either way... I think I prefer the two word version... as long that it appears as the actual title you prefer and is not some unintended typo.

 

One thing you could do is to start with the first title card that only lists book one and then at the end of the trailer list all four.

This would be apt as the trailer itself focuses on just the first book but you want to emphasize that there are three more.

Having the title card appear again later but with the other three added would not only allow for progression it would serve your intended purpose to emphasize the tetrology aspect of your story. This seems key to gaining the audiences interest, especially for those that will want to know that they can not only sink their teeth into not just one... but four stories! That is the hook that might get them interested and keeps them going. "Neat story. What? There are three more? Where do I sign up?!? I'm in."

 

Moving on... you say you'd like to work on desaturating the imagery.

I find that the most common theme in most amateur work is a lack of contrast (specifically black) in their imagery.

I don't mean this as applied strictly to your trailer as much as simply in general across the board. (you have a lot of black in your trailer... it does take place in space after all)

 

Ultimately, to be successful in composition I feel there must be a background, a middle ground and a foreground.

If for any reason there is not... it must be very intentional.

This is important in still images and stories but specifically in animation (and trailers) it implies there will be a transition between these various elements.

The good news... you've got all of these elements in your current trailer!

But how to emphasize them more... that is the objective. (In my view, this will take a bit more than just desaturation but you've got the elements present, you just need to exaggerate them to the point of clarity).

 

Here is the deal on this aspect of clarity:

The human eye can only focus on one thing at a time.

This doesn't mean you shouldn't have other things going on in the periphery but if you must pick one thing in each frame/shot/sequence/story what will it be?

 

Suggestion: Isolate the one most important element in each frame/shot/sequence and emphasize that point.

 

For some reason the sequence from your trailer that pops into my mind is where there are three (or is it four?) figures in spacesuits floating through space. They move toward some shape that is hard to see... so, I'm not sure what is going on there.

I perceive there is opportunity there.

 

Let's see...

They are moving from the foreground into the middle ground with the vast backdrop of space behind them.

But there is an object between the background and them.

 

Suggestions here might be to first treat all three figures as one focal point but within that isolate one and have him/her do something that brings the focal point forward into the mid ground even more. They all seem to be doing exactly the same thing at this point. I don't know enough about what that scene represents in the story to really suggest anything further but I know there is a reason they are out there in space. I know each of these people has a name and a purpose. I just don't know what they are. Even if not explicitly stated, the camera knows. Perhaps the emphasis could shift from the three figures to the ship/object they are exploring? What is it that is most important about the shot? That should be (or become) the focus.

 

My feel is that in each sequence there is a moving object and if you isolate that moving object and emphasize it more you'll be golden.

Interestingly, in each shot you've made the text itself the focal point and this is competing with the imagery... pushing it to be secondary.

This seems to be at odds with your purpose of highlighting specific images to illustrate your story.

 

(Edit: What I originally intended to suggest here is that where possible in animation you want to move your characters/objects through three dimensional space... into and out of the background, mid ground and foreground. For clarity sake, this contrast in movement through space should be exaggerated. Move things into and out of shadow... in front of things... behind things... etc.)

 

I'm straying bit... and I don't want this to seem like I don't like your trailer.

You've done a marvelous job in limiting any negative effects of text over graphics... something few people do well.

And what you've got right now works very well.

I like it even more each time I watch it which is perhaps this is the point I'm trying to get at here.

How best to accomplish clarity within the confines of the first viewing?

 

The difficulty I had on first viewing was that I didn't follow along with how the scenes/sequences all hooked up narratively.

Perhaps this is because I was too busy reading the text?

 

I recall thinking... cool imagery.

But I didn't connect the mining craft in the cave with the later shots that reveal it takes place on a specific asteroid (which I know perceive is the one that blows up). These were isolated elements/sequences that didn't connect because too many things were pulling at my attention.

Slowing down and reviewing the trailer over and over it's now making lots of sense to me.

For instance, I did not perceive that the pilot of the craft shown at the beginning is also the narrator and it is him that is getting blown up in the explosion.

Yes... I am that dense.

But after several viewings it is making sense.

 

Is that him (the narrator that "died... or should have died" spiraling in on the debri from screen right to left in front of 'the new friends'?

 

I believe I'm beginning to see where some continuity of motion/tracking could help in clarifying these things.

 

If the narrator is the focus of this piece then... hmmm... perhaps that is the common thread.

But how to make sure the focus remains on him in each scene he is in?

I will suggest there must be something... anything... that identifies and re-identifies him.

This could be something as simple as a color or hue (of a uniform perhaps?) which is unique to him.

Everything else would be then be in better contrast and supporting him.

It might be very subtle... a slightly lighter or darker hue of uniform than hi companions.

 

Now, I do realize your introduce a lot of new elements along the way.

Your story is dense with information so it's hard to capture everything in such a short trailer.

The emphasis/focus seems to be:

 

Narrator (Until he is scooped up by the 'new friends'?)

New Friends

(Here it isn't clear but it seems this could be the tech of the new friends that we are seeing up until the point of stating that time is being refined)

(When then transition/time travel 12 Billion years into the past... as the narrator is not there it makes sense that the screen text might be the narrator here)

The They (the threat)

(and the emphasis then seems to return to the narrator who I now assume is the person standing in front of the screen who appeals to us to state "Now it's our turn to be destroyed".

 

Note that this last wording was lost on me in the sense that I read this as "it is our turn to fight back" versus "it is our turn to be destroyed by those who destroy everything in their path" which is now my current reading of it.

 

This seems to reveal what They look like in a few different forms (one alien like on the screen and one robotic, whose head turns).

 

The final imagery then of the Earth and spacecraft appears but I didn't/don't perceive the threat anymore at this point.

(That translates as: You've lost something there)

I'm not sure what but I sense that something should progress the threat through this scene.

Pending clarification I read that this shot may be showing an unsuspecting Earth that is about to get visited but it's not clear what this final image has to do with the previous scenes. For instance, is this the same general location as the previous one where the asteroid exploded?

I don't get the sense that it is but I do sense that they both depict the Earth.

 

 

I think I had best stop there.

 

One thing I would definitely drop (which I'm sure you already have on your list) is the "coming August 2012" as those type of things immediately date the trailer.

It would be better to simply state; "Available on Kindle" or something to that effect.

 

It would be interesting to see the trailer without any text.

Or perhaps the text lower on screen (as in subtitling).

I hesitate to make that as a suggestion... but that might help determine just how much the text is aiding or abetting general through-line of the trailer.

 

Regardless of what you do... in analyzing your trailer I've found your story to be very intriguing.

I actually care about this character now and want to know more about his fate.

And that my friend is an accomplishment.

 

Standard disclaimers apply as with all observations and suggestions.

These are just the general thoughts that came to me.

 

Rock on Rusty!

[rusty]

Hi Rodney!

 

I don't know how to thank you for putting so much time and effort into helping me! Wow dude!

 

At the moment, lol, I'm nursing 4 hours of non-stop dancing and half a dozen Long Island Ice Teas. I'm seeing double and my ears are still ringing and your fantastic response will need to be read again after several coffees to give it the attention it deserves. I'll be back.

 

THANKS!

Rusty

[KJ'd Beast]

Rusty,

 

I'm in agreement with Rodney on many of his suggestions about the font. Get rid of the extrusion, it's distracting. Don't texture the fonts.

 

Get rid of Quad-whatever.

 

Get rid of all the text over the animation. My eyes aren't sure what's important, so none of it is.

 

Cut the video down to one minute.

 

 

Everything changed when I died, or at least when I should have died. (Does not seem to fit and does not help me understand what I'm watching)

Our new friends from a neighboring star made contact. Neither of us knew then that another was coming. (This is really vague and doesn't help)

 

Journey to a Universe

Where scientists like the alchemists

have been replaced (Too vague)

 

Where time has been redefined

 

At stake

Existence itself

 

Twelve billion years ago

something dark entered the visible universe

They've been coming

Killing everything in their path

 

Now they are here

Now...it's our turn

 

This is my attempt based on what I can understand the story is about

 

Twelve billion years ago something evil entered the universe

Destroying every world in its path

It has finally reached earth

Our very existence is at stake

Earth's only hope

An ally from across the stars

 

I suggest re-cutting the video to a faster pace.

[Rodney]

I'll add this into the mix....

 

Directing the audience is essential and there are many tools to aid us in orienting them (or purposefully confusing them).

A problem arises when we unintentionally confuse them.

 

Case in point is the camera hookup right out of the gate where the mining craft piloted by the narrator is seen moving toward camera.

This is a nice shot and it really grabs our attention.

Kudos to you.

 

The trouble arises when the camera cuts to another short shot of the back of the pilots head (presumably) piloting the vessel forward (now away from us).

This by itself wouldn't be bad (i.e. you could recover from it) but the next few shots all return to the orientation of the first shot but now in a close up that allows us to see the narrator/pilot as he is directing his effort forward (again, toward us).

 

It is interesting to note that (more or less) you do have the proper placement of the character on screen.

It is the direction and momentum in opposing directions that loses us.

 

In the attached image I've tried to illustrate your camera's current hookup and what might be a more progressive hookup that effectively zooms in on the pilot/narrator across the cut. Note that in the current sequence we might expect to see something there inbetween the first and second shots... such as what the pilot is mining for. But as we don't have time to see that and it's not really the point we are moving toward in the current narrative, a more progressive movement might be called for that keeps us in a conscious level of contact with the pilot.

 

 

Shortly after this the camera literally zooms out to a shot that reveals our narrator is actually mining for something on an asteroid orbiting around the Earth. Now that is cool! Too bad we were too disoriented to catch what was happening though.

 

Our confusion continues at the point where the asteroid explodes and the voiceover of the narrator introduces us to the idea that 'new friends' arrived on scene (I am presuming they saved him from death... which is why I presume he's taking the time to tell us).

 

But here again we encounter another problem with orientation.

Bear with me as I try to explain this... as it's not immediately obvious.

 

The sequence with the asteroid blowing up has the Earth on the left and space on the right. The debri from the explosion goes out in all directions.

So far so good.

But the debri from the explosion as seen in the next shot is seen moving from right to left... toward the earth.

The problem here is that the 'new friends' then would have to have been between the asteroid and Earth in the previous shot... which they obviously were not.

Flipping this shot where debri strikes the 'new friends' spaceship would create the correct orientation as well as fit in with the idea that these new friends are arriving on or approaching Earth (i.e. moving from Space... on screen right... to Earth... on the screen left).

 

I hope that makes sense and... as always... this is for what it is worth.

[rusty]

You guys are awesome! I appreciate all the time and effort. There is a lot there and I mostly agree with everything you've said.

 

Damn, if only there were more of mes, LOL! I'd assign 1 to making corrections to book 1, 2 to shoring up the book 1 trailer, 3 to taking care of book promotional tasks needed for book 1. 2 more to start beating on publisher and agent's doors, 2 more to kick off the trailer for book 2 and then...I could continue to focus on the most important thingh of all, writing book 2. Oh how stress free I would be!

 

I need to review all you've pointed out again and I've saved copies in the project folder for book 2's trailer along with a lot of other mistakes I made in book 1's trailer so if I can't get to all of them in book 1's trailer they'll be built into book 2's (and 3 and 4).

 

I'm under tons of pressure to drop everything but writing book 2.

 

You guys are awesome! Did I already say that? Well I could say it over and over! Thanks!

 

Rusty

 

PS: If I had the money I'd hire people. If I had the time I could focus on promotion...then I might have the money. The fantastic review-- 'completely good' (no downsides)--from Kirkus really knocked me off my feet--no one gets a completely good review from Kirkus, what you do is pick out the good things they say, if any, and use those blurbs. It takes more then all the effort to write any book, more then an outstanding trailer (and writers seeing mine, as is, are absolutely floored {you have to see what others are doing to appreciate this}) and more then actually producing a 'good' book. It even takes more than a publisher getting behind it. It takes all of this plus...people buying it.

[Rodney]

You are right. There are only so many hours in a day so you have to set priorities.

Writers have to write and if they don't they won't have any stories to share.

 

I believe your current trailer as it is suffices for what you set it out to achieve.

Our input here is just meant to answer your request for feedback on where to focus should you redo the trailer.

 

But let me say that rather than endlessly re-edit where you've already been I believe you'd be much better served to move on to the next priority (whatever that may be). That'd also have the added benefit of giving fans of your stories more cool stuff to experience.

 

As the Beast that is Caged (Keith) suggested, if you just want to bring the current trailer up to date you can cut out a few of the dated shots and/or unnecessary frames.

[rusty]

You are right. There are only so many hours in a day so you have to set priorities.

Writers have to write and if they don't they won't have any stories to share.

 

I believe your current trailer as it is suffices for what you set it out to achieve.

Our input here is just meant to answer your request for feedback on where to focus should you redo the trailer.

 

But let me say that rather than endlessly re-edit where you've already been I believe you'd be much better served to move on to the next priority (whatever that may be). That'd also have the added benefit of giving fans of your stories more cool stuff to experience.

 

As the Beast that is Caged (Keith) suggested, if you just want to bring the current trailer up to date you can cut out a few of the dated shots and/or unnecessary frames.

 

Regarding the Trailer: Between my agent (my wife), my proof reader (a professional) and my 'fan' club (family and friends), I reluctantly got them to agree to (or agree to disagree) on not dropping the trailer (i.e. removing it -- I absolutely refused to its part of the fun for me) and making only two changes:

1. nuking the absolutely wrong "Quadology" in the title (not replacing it at all)

2. replacing the "Coming August 2012...To Amazon Kindle" with it with parts of the Kirkus Refiew: ""Fascinating... Action Packed..."--Kirkus" ... "An intense, philosophical sci-fi series!"--Kirkus".

 

All of your suggestions will be incorporated into book two's trailer.

 

On other fronts:

* I will reduce my promotional efforts to maintaining my blog and posting the entries or a the press release to one sci-fi site (a different one) each day.

* All other time will go to writing book 2

* I will work a trailer for book 2 but until the final draft is done and being edited/proofed and, whatever the storyboard, it will be done (and released) in three phases: 1-a very short one; 2-a medium one; 3-a full length one (this is so I can stop if I have to with something).

 

Thanks again!!!!

Rusty