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JAWS Just a Wooden Sword


kwhitaker

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Very nice progress Katt. :)

 

There is one thing here that might work much better as the sequences are all put together. I mention it here as it stood out and confused me. Most likely its already known to you or you've got it dealt with already.

 

At the second appearance of the Banshee its not clear who is talking. It seems it should still be Witch Lena... its got to be... but there is enough of a voice shift and image shift that it loses me. The cut to the cat doesn't help as then I'm wondering if its still Witch Lena or the cat talking. Perhaps this is all okay considering the growing tension but I thought I'd mention it.

 

I'm trying to think of a way to suggest how to arrive at a little more clarity... and failing miserably. My apologies.

 

Perhaps if there was some overlapping of characters or they were seen together?

With the character that is talking being the only one that is moving/gesturing. (well of course the other characters can always move a little!).

 

I'll watch a few more times and see if I still get the same impression.

 

I'm intrigued with the storyline.

Now that I understand a little more about the characters I'm interested in what is being said. :)

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Very nice progress Katt. :)

 

There is one thing here that might work much better as the sequences are all put together. I mention it here as it stood out and confused me. Most likely its already known to you or you've got it dealt with already.

 

At the second appearance of the Banshee its not clear who is talking. It seems it should still be Witch Lena... its got to be... but there is enough of a voice shift and image shift that it loses me. The cut to the cat doesn't help as then I'm wondering if its still Witch Lena or the cat talking. Perhaps this is all okay considering the growing tension but I thought I'd mention it.

 

I'm trying to think of a way to suggest how to arrive at a little more clarity... and failing miserably. My apologies.

 

Perhaps if there was some overlapping of characters or they were seen together?

With the character that is talking being the only one that is moving/gesturing. (well of course the other characters can always move a little!).

 

I'll watch a few more times and see if I still get the same impression.

 

I'm intrigued with the storyline.

Now that I understand a little more about the characters I'm interested in what is being said. :)

thanks for your expertise, it's so good to get feed back, it know the story, but to get it across, where its understandable is key importance., so it's good to have eyes at both end.

maybe if I put the camera back on witch Lena ( after the cat tells the banshee to go, )seeing witch Lena, as she yells at the banshee to get her book, in a close shot then puling out to show the whole scene including witch and banshee . thanks Rodney :)

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